My name is Hang Dangler: The antiquated grandpa whose superpowers are flight, dangling, and having a keen memory. I would like to wish you a super timely Happy Valentine’s Day, open up my diary and give you a glimpse into the world of a romantic superhero so you can get a first-hand account of what is going on with me and my friends in Jersey streets!
Since the mysterious disappearance of most of the wonderful folks in our town, I have been looking over the city like a pigeon overlooks his rat roost. Some interesting characters still remain vigilant and a few weirdos such as Sway and Silent Blob wander around as well.
Friday, February 2nd: Brotha Dangler
I was on my way to save a burger burglar when I spied my cane-wobbling twin brother, Tommy D. disrespect the law by jaywalking down 5th in a stolen Motel 6 robe. The Dangler brothers were raised better than this, I tell ya.
Tuesday, February 6th: Rascal Flappies
After getting my mandatory 1pm bourbon hot toddy from The Thirsty Hippo, I caught my my ex-cutie, Rascal Flapps rushing to Costco to nibble on some fresh free samples. We broke up because while I was riding her scooter pegs I fractured my hip bone and pulled my dangling cankle muscle.
Thursday, February 8th: Floating Puppy Truck Spotting
I spotted a pooch driving a flying Long Dong Donut van. Must have had a special delivery, because, golly gee wilkerson that thing was floating and also hit that troublesome mute and his pin-headed companion.
Monday, February 12th: Punching Garbage
While doing one armed pull-ups on a light pole, I caught these two deviants ruining our beloved city by mashing on a harmless dumpster. When I catch up to them, I am going to put a firm spanking on those cuties trouble mongers’ booties.
Tuesday, February 13th: Stoner Website
While checking my AOL and Plenty of Fish Account, I stumbled upon the website Chronicbluntpunch.com which belongs to those two Quickstop stoners. What kinda webmaster let them have their own geocities webpage?!?!?! I have been trying to get hangdangler.biz for years! I am filing an official complaint to ASKJeeves.com
Thursday, February 15th: What The GOLF (WTG?!?)
I have always been the best person in my golf league, I usually hit a home run and lead with 3 triple-double dunks when I play a quarter of the old hole-in-one. You could learn a thing or two from my tremendous stroke.
Speaking of which there is a game that caught my eye on Figgy.co that may help get you up to my level on the greens.
Much love to all of you and if you need help just dangle a sock full of quarters out your window and I will swing through, swoop them up, save the day, and wash my drawers.